Precious
Relationships
Preaching
the Word of God is the most joy-producing vocation I can conceive of. I cannot
imagine doing anything else. I would
also submit to you that preaching the Word of God is one of the most
frightening exercises a person can engage in. It was said of Martin Luther that
he could face his enemies, but he could not ascend the pulpit stairs without
his knees knocking.
The
dread that a preacher feels usually comes from being mindful of the magnitude
of our task at hand. It is a humbling and awe-inspiring thing to remember that
the Lord intends on using the words spoken from the pulpit to bring about
change in the lives of His people.
It is
sometimes the case, however, that the dread a preacher feels comes from
contemplating the offense that our work might potentially cause. The end of
Ephesians 5 provokes that kind of dread in Bryn MacPhail—“Wives, be subject
to your own husbands, as to the Lord” (5:22).
I
confess to you that my responsibility to preach the whole counsel of God is
currently at war with my people-pleasing tendencies. I do not like to bother
and offend people. And because this text has a history of being misinterpreted
and misapplied, I must be particularly careful. When I left my home this
morning, I left a happy place, and I would like to be able to return to that
same happy environment this afternoon.
And
yet, in my attempt to bring you a balanced rendering of this text, I do not
want to water down the importance of the exhortations found therein.
The
first thing I would like to do is back up to the beginning of chapter 5. Paul
begins this passage by telling us to “be imitators of God, as beloved
children; and (to) walk in love, just as Christ also loved you” (5:1,2).
First,
and foremost, the call upon our lives is to live like Jesus Christ.
Everything that follows relates to that call. Admittedly, we need help to love
as Christ loves and so, along with the provision of the Holy Spirit, Paul reminds
us of our need to be “be filled with the Spirit” (5:18).
Paul then goes on to detail some of the
behaviour that should result from being controlled by the Spirit of Christ.
Paul says that we should speak to one another in an edifying manner, we should
“always be giving thanks (to God) for everything”, and thirdly, we
should “be subject to one another in the fear of Christ” (5:19-21).
We
see then, that one of the marks of being Spirit-filled is that we must not
merely look out for our own interests, but we must look out for, and defer to,
the interests of others (Phil. 2:4).
In other words, there is a level of
subjection that every Christian must yield to regardless of gender and
social status. And this subjection is something we learn as we seek to
imitate Christ “who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard
equality with God a thing to be held on to, but emptied Himself, taking the
form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. And being found
in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of
death, even death on a cross” (Phil. 2:6-8).
If we have some comprehension of what
Christ subjected Himself to we will be better equipped to understand Paul’s
instruction in Ephesians 5. Paul writes, “Wives, be subject to your own
husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ
also is the head of the church” (5:22, 23). Likewise, “Husbands, love
your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her”
(5:25).
What shall we do with this text? Do we
write this text off as the ramblings of a chauvinistic apostle? No, we must
not. For starters, it is always a dangerous practice to accept some biblical
teachings while rejecting other teaching that we find to be less palatable.
Secondly, we must interpret this text in the light of other New Testament
teaching.
This same apostle wrote elsewhere that “(in
Christ) there is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free
man, there is neither male nor female” (Gal. 3:28). Paul, far from being
chauvinistic, was actually ahead of his time—Paul regarded, long before society
ever did, that men and women are equal in the eyes of God.
What Paul is teaching in Ephesians 5 must
be understood in light of his other teaching. Elsewhere Paul teaches about the
equality of men and women before God, and here, within that equality, Paul
exhorts us according to some of the role distinctions that exist between a
husband and a wife.
Paul identifies for us a distinction in
household roles when he states “the husband is the head of the wife, as
Christ also is the head of the church” (5:23). If there is anyone present
who is squirming under that statement, I implore you to hear again the
qualifier: “as Christ is the head of the church”.
So,
we ask the question, ‘What does it mean for Christ to be the head of the
church?’ Christ explains His mandate in Mark 10:45 when He says, “the Son of
Man came not to be served” . . . “the Son of Man came not to be served,
but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.”
Let’s
look also at John 13:3-5: “Jesus, knowing that the Father had given Him all
things . . . rose from supper, and laid aside His garments; and taking a towel,
He girded Himself about. Then He poured water into the basin, and began to wash
the disciples' feet, and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded.”
If we
bring all of the New Testament teaching to bear on this subject, the issue
of husbands giving direction in the home should not be a controversial one.
My suspicion is that the reason this text has become controversial is because,
in large measure, husbands have failed to lead their wives the way Christ leads
His church.
Paul
is not giving husbands permission to be domineering in the home. We reject the
‘Archie Bunker’ husband model here. Paul is not giving husbands permission to
plop themselves in front of the TV for hours at a time. Paul is not writing
husbands an exemption from household chores. Paul is insisting that
husbands, following the example of Christ, are not to be served but are to
serve.
If
husbands are to engage in humble service as they lead the household, what is
being asked of the wives here? What are wives to be subject to? Paul is
exhorting wives to be subject to the loving service of their husbands.
The reason for this is because, in
virtually every age, serving another person was regarded as a sign of weakness.
It was true of Paul’s day—if you served another person you diminished your
standing before that person.
And the temptation for those on the
receiving end of this service is to exploit the work of the servant and to
treat them with a diminished sense of importance. Paul, by asking wives to
"be subject", is insisting that the service rendered by
husbands be neither rejected nor exploited. When a husband serves his wife, he
is not diminishing his standing within the household, but rather, he is
fulfilling his mandate.
Paul
further exhorts, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the
Church and gave Himself up for her” (5:25).
When Paul admonishes husbands to love their wives he is commanding far more than roses, chocolates, and a kiss good night. Christ came “that He might sanctify (the Church) . . . that she should be holy and blameless” (5:26, 27). This is how Paul frames Christ’s love for the Church. Christ’s love was expressed in action for the spiritual benefit of the Church.
And this, Paul explains, is how the husband must love. Our love for our wives must have a view toward nurturing their spiritual condition.
Christ lived and died for the
spiritual well being of His Church. So too must the husband live within the
household, for the husband will ultimately be held accountable for the
spiritual health of the family.
In case there be any here who might
doubt the importance of Paul’s instruction for the family, let us remember that
this text does not exist in a vacuum. This instruction lies at the heart of
Paul’s teaching about the Church’s role within the grand, cosmic, eternal plan
of God.
We have said, time and time again, that this world of ours is a mess, but God has a plan. The Christian Church is part and parcel of God’s plan to meaningfully impact this world.
So why all the fuss about the
family? Why the instruction to husbands and wives? Why the instruction to
parents and children?
Could it be that our ability to be faithful Christians is shaped in large measure by what happens in the home? Could it be that the effectiveness of our witness to the world is closely connected to how we represent Christ within our own household?
I’m not sure that present day Christianity has done well in this regard. It is difficult to discern whether the average Christian household behaves any differently than the average non-Christian household.
Statistics seem to indicate that we live very much the same way. We
watch the same television shows, we spend our money on similar things, our
children are no less likely to get in trouble, and our marriages are no less
likely to become dysfunctional or to altogether dissolve.
By all accounts, the Christian home has shown itself in this century to not be very different from any other home. And, as such, we should not be surprised to find that our impact upon this world has been marginal.
But, of course, this is not God’s plan. It doesn’t have to be this way. With God’s help we can make a difference within our square mile.
Our witness for Jesus Christ must not only shine from this congregation, but our witness for Christ must also shine brightly from within our own homes. Amen.